Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Call from the nurse

Heidi called to see how we were both doing. She laughed when I told her Amee was POAS every day and she said she told her there would be nothing right now! Phew...She said if it was successful there might be something by Thursday or Friday but the levels are really low. Lets hope she's right. I just cant get away from this niggling feeling that it hasn't worked. OOMC - Out Of My Control is my new acronym. My mind is preparing for something that's is OOMC, my heart is aching hoping this is it.

So Saturday is the first day of bloods. Saturday afternoon we will know either way. Come on 'Little Blob' as Amee has affectionately called it.. COME ON!

Adrian has gone to Sydney for work and helping his mum.. he'll be back on Sat night.

This wait really sucks

We have been here unfortunately many times before but Amee hasn't. She just had sex and fell pregnant!

I know she wants this badly for us and for her and her connection with Brett. But peeing on a stick on day 1 will not help our anxiety! :) She's peeing every day and I love her for it but it's doing both our heads in. Nothing either of us can do will help this process but it's hard to remain stress free. So Wench... Breath!

Of course I started the usual google searches... CRAP as usual. Every level, every outcome..so I stopped for once!! Nothing can change this so doing searching for answers that wont be there is only putting more stress on me (as she doesn't know I'm doing it :))

I just keep hearing that Dr's words and wondering if all this is just a money making decision? They have the choice to do it right but don't because statists say one in 3 will work? They make extra each cycle... but for us its not about the money. Of course that counts but it's the fact that I probably wont get any more eggs if we had to do this all again plus the fact that we are getting older and if we had to do another round and wait another 6 months for quarantine.. it would be 12 months before another try. That's almost 2 years away from another baby. Hamish would be almost 5, we would be 44 and 46.

I struggle with age, we both do. Should we bring a child into the world and be older parents? We have so much love to give.. and no age limit should apply but its hard. I just wish we had met years before and we would have teenagers right now.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

1st Transfer - now the 2WW

Well it all seemed to go seamlessly. Embryo happily defrosted...YAY!, successfully transferred double YAY...

Raftery Embie
Until the Dr said 'Don't be too disappointed if the first try doesn't work out'.. WTF?? How are you supposed to digest that! Amee has just had the transfer and was getting off the bed when she said it. Seriously some people need to think before they speak. We are not stupid.. we know the stats, we know them all too well! Grrrrrrr

Anyway off we went for some lunch which was meant to be Thai but ended up being Pizza and a movie 'Focus'. Amee didn't want to pee all day in case the embie fell out. God love her.. it wont and cant if you pee! :) Now we begin the 2ww.  Her period is due next Wed so it won't be that long to find out but I know she will be POAS every day! :)

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

D Day - First transfer 25.3.15

So tomorrow is another D Day. D Day for a new episode in our Surrogacy journey.

After 8 months of Psychology assessments, Dr Reports and getting approval from the Patient Review Panel in VIC we are finally here. Finally we see if one of our 5 embies have the strength and tonicity to defrost, find that perfect spot in our Surrogate and Grow, Grow, Grow!

Our Surrogate or ‘Tummy Mummy’ happens to be my best friend Amee aka Wench. We have been friends for what feels like a lifetime to the both of us and 16 years is a long time in friendships. Ours is a different friendship, not the norm. We have seen each other through so much in life. All the usual stuff, the new relationships, the break ups, the b/f arguments, the all nighters, families, marriage, children, careers and the very difficult time of death to those close to us. In the period of 13 months we lost our Daughter Sophie and Amee lost her Husband Brett. Life can sure be hard for little reason at all.

So where did this all start? Amee and Brett had offered to help us have a family in 2008 when we lost Sophie. The offer was heartfelt and genuine on both their parts. It was an amazing offer and one that took a while to for me to take on especially since I blamed myself for everything. Losing your child is the most horrendous experience anyone can endure but we were also left without the ability to have more children.  All my fault.. my body did this.

When Brett died from a ‘One Punch’ as much as it hurt Amee to do it we needed to put it all on hold on this journey and we needed to look at other options. Amee and her kids were too important in our lives and they needed to heal without external pressures. I know for a while Amee hated that decision, and I say hate because she did. I guess Brett dying took so much from her and her kids this was another thing taken from her. But we had to let them recover from an awful tragedy.

So six years on Amee and her beautiful kids are in a much better place in life. She has an amazing family who support no matter what but especially her wonderful parents who moved to her city to help her get her life back on track. This help continues today and she would not be here helping us without them, so we thank them from the bottom of our hearts.

D-Day… I need to let go and stop stressing. Everything here on in is out of my control. So today instead of stressing we are saying PUPO!